帮忙修改一下我写的英文自我介绍!

题目

帮忙修改一下我写的英文自我介绍!
Good afternonn,every teacher
It is really my honor to see you again.
I hope i can make a good performance today.
In fact,I have some nervous.So if I will make some mistakes in my talk,please excuse me.
Now i will introduce myself briefly .
I am 28 years old.I was born in a town of chongqing.
I was graduated from xi’an university of technology.my major is electronical and informational engineering.And i got my bachelor degree in the year of 2003.and after graduateed from university,I became a teacher.I have been teaching at a vocational school of xi’an for three years.And now ,I am a postgraduate student of CIAE.I will get my master degree in the next year.
Now,I will introuce my family to you.My family is really a big family.I have three elder sisters.And they all married,and have a child for each own family.My mother is a farmer,and my father is a worker of a coal mine.So you can image that our life is very tough.But anyhow,we have pulled through.Alough the situation of mu family is not the best,it is more better than the past.We are satisfied.I love the every member of my family just as they love me.In my opinion,the family is most inportant in my life.
Ok.Now,let me talk about my hobby.My hobby is extensive.In my spare time,I like doing sports,listening music,watching TV,sleeping,cooking ,and eating etc.I most like playing badminton,because I only can handle it.In fact,I want to learn tennis.I think it is interesting and fierce.But I know that I am short of the talent in sports,I will learn very slowly.Then there is no coach willing to teach me any longer.So I hope I can encounter the most patient coach in the future.
That’s all.Thanks for your attention.

答案

Good afternonn,every teacher !
It is really my honor to see you again.
I hope i can make a good performance today.
In fact,I have some nervous.（I'm a little nervous）So if I will (去掉will)make some mistakes in my talk,please excuse me.
Now i will introduce myself briefly .
I am 28 years old.I was born in a (the)town of chongqing.
I was(去掉) graduated from xi’an university of technology.my major is electronical and informational engineering.And i got my bachelor degree in the year of 2003.and after graduateed（graduating） from university,I became a teacher.I have been teaching at a vocational school of xi’an for three years.And now ,I am a postgraduate student of CIAE.I will get my master degree in the next year.
Now,I will introuce my family to you.My family is really a big family.I have three elder sisters.And they (加are)all married,and have a child for each own family.My mother is a farmer,and my father is a worker of a coal mine.So you can image (imagine)that our life is very tough.But anyhow,we have pulled through.Although the situation of mu (my)family is not the best,it is more better than the past.We are satisfied.I love the(去掉) every member of my family just as they love me.In my opinion,the family is most important in my life.
Ok.Now,let me talk about my hobby.My hobby is extensive.In my spare time,I like doing sports,listening music,watching TV,sleeping,cooking ,and eating etc.I most (去掉)like playing badminton（加most）,because I only can handle it.In fact,I want to learn tennis.I think it is interesting and fierce.But I know that I am short of the talent in sports,I will learn very slowly.Then there is no coach willing to teach me any longer.So I hope I can encounter the most patient coach in the future.
That’s all.Thanks for your attention.