请高人帮我指点一下我的雅思作文

题目

请高人帮我指点一下我的雅思作文
With the development of market economy, advertisements have become a domain feature in television industry. Despite the rich information brought by TV, there still exists strong criticism against TV advertisement. Write an article analyzing the positive and negative effects of TV advertisement.
There is a positive and a negative aspect to everything---included the TV advertisement . Now in today human modern civilization activity especially in market economy advertisements have played a major role .Indeed, too much sufficient information disturbed people life everyday , and these effects as follows.
There is no denying that TV can make life rich and colorful, A large number of advertisement can allow us swift and free access to the world events and other programs. TV advertisements offered the quick and convenience guide to audiences for which goods they need in everywhere . People do not worry about if they should pay any fee for it. Another important thing is advertisement as a instrument of entertainment may create many fresh innovation to us. That is wonderful.
Whereas advertisement has a lot of advantages, it’s demerit can not be forgeted. Firstly, the TV advertisement waste too much time of customs, we have to spent much time in classify the useful information from all various programs. Actually we can avoid that. Next came is TV advertisement always interrupts the paly or sport match abtuptly. How bored you are that moment. In addition, not all the advertisements are honest and useful, some dishonest producers utilize TV advertisement to promote their bad goods.
To sum up. Analyzing in different point of view may get different result. So as a audience viewpoint I hope the number of advertisement should be declined in reasonable area. We can take advantage of it to improve life.
请谈到我的问题的时候能详细些,谢谢了,我很希望提高自己的写作水平,可以评价一下这篇文章能得几分.雅思作文满分9分

答案

不超过5.5分.有很多语法错误,结构不清晰.语法错误：1.第1句,included 应该是'including' 2.第2句,NOW=TODAY=MODERN,三个相同意思的词同时出现使表达重复3.第3句too much 是太多,sufficient 是足够.too much sufficie...