请各位网友帮我看看这篇自我介绍怎样（英文）(自己写的,希望各位赐教)

题目

请各位网友帮我看看这篇自我介绍怎样（英文）(自己写的,希望各位赐教)
hello everybody.nice tomlyeet you.my name is_______,my English name is lily.I'm in Class9 Garde7 I'm thirteen years old.I'm a lively and cheerful girl.I like summer.Because.I can swim.I like danceing.Because,it make me have temperamert.There are three people in my family.My father,my mother and me.My mother is a work.She likes watching TV.She goes to work by bus.My father is a engineer.He likes reading newspaper.He goes to work by bike.I'm a student.I go to school on foot.Although some cold today,but I'm very happy.Listen to me,thank you.

答案

以下是我的修改,大部分是语法.因为感觉楼应该是初中生就不该句型了.
hello everybody.nice to meet you.my name is_______,my English name is lily.I'm in Class9 Garde7.I'm thirteen years old.I'm a lively and cheerful girl.I like summer.Because it is a good season to swim.I like danceing.Because,it makes me have an artistic temperament(楼是想说有气质吗?).There are three membership（对家人用people感觉有点冷漠） in my family.My father,my mother and me.My mother is a worker.She likes watching TV.She goes to work by bus.My father is an engineer.He likes reading newspaper.He goes to work by bike.I'm a student.I go to school on foot.Although it is (句子要有主谓)a little cold today,（although从句后面不能用but） I'm very happy.thank you (for your listening 其实这个也比较不正式,可以直接说谢谢结尾.).