Parents divorced, little Buddy was in the care of his mother"s large Alabama family. Over the
years, Buddy seldom saw either of his parents. But he was happy where he was and he had many
kindly relatives, among whom Miss Sook was by far his best friend. Before Christmas, Buddy"s
father had managed to get legal custody(法定监护) of him for this Christmas. So, he had a new
suit, with a card pinned with his name and address and made the trip alone, by bus, to New
Orleans.
Several things occurred that kept me awake the whole night. First, the footfalls, the noise of my father
running up and down the stairs, breathing heavily, I had to see what he was up to. So I hid and watched.
There was a Christmas tree and the fireplace downstairs. Moreover, I could see my father. He was
crawling around under the tree arranging a pyramid of packages. I felt dizzy, for what I saw forced me to
reconsider everything. If these were presents intended for me, then obviously they had not been ordered
by the Lord and delivered by Santa Claus; no, they were gifts bought and wrapped by my father. Which
meant that my rotten little cousin Billy Bob and other rotten kids like him weren"t lying when they laughed
at me and told me there was no Santa Claus. The worst thought was: Had Sook known the truth, and lied
to me? No, Sook would never lie to me. She believed. It was just that-well, though she was
sixty-something, in some ways she was at least as much of a child as I was.
I waited until I was sure he was in bed and sound asleep. Then I crept downstairs and examined the
tags attached to each of the packages. They all said: "For Buddy." I decided to open the packages: It
was Christmas morning. I was awake, so why not? I won"t bother to describe what was inside them: just
shirts and sweaters and dull stuff like that. The only thing I appreciated was a toy gun. Somehow I got the
idea it would be fun to waken my father by firing it. So I did. Bang. Bang. Bang. He raced out of his room, wild-eyed, Bang. Bang. Bang. "Buddy-what the hell do you think you"re doing? Bang. Bang. Bang. "Stop
that!" I laughed. " Look, Daddy. Look at all wonderful things Santa Claus brought me."
Calm now, he walked into the room and hugged me. "You like what Santa Claus brought you?"
I smiled at him. He smiled at me. There was a tender lingering (逗留不去的) moment, damaged
when I said: "Yes. But what are you going to give me, Daddy?" His smile evaporated. His eyes narrowed
suspiciously-you could see that he thought I was pulling some kind of trick. But then he blushed, as
though he was ashamed to be thinking what he was thinking. He patted my head, and coughed and said: "Well, I thought I"d wait and let you pick out something you wanted. Is there anything particular you
want?"
I reminded him of the airplane we had seen in the toy store on Canal Street. His face sagged. Oh,
yes, he remembered the airplane and how expensive it was. Nevertheless, the next day I was sitting in
that airplane dreaming I was zooming toward heaven while my father wrote out a check for a happy
salesman, who promised to help ship the plane on the bus.
But I wasn"t free of New Orleans yet. The problem was a large bottle of wine; maybe it was because
of my departure, but anyway my father had been drinking it all day, and on the way to the bus station, he
scared me by grabbing my wrist and harshly whispering: "I"m not going to let you go. I can"t let you go
back to that crazy family in that crazy old house. Just look at what they"ve done to you. A boy six, almost
seven, talking about Santa Claus! It"s all their fault, all those sour old spinsters with their Bibles and their
knitting needles, those drunken uncles. Listen to me, Buddy. There is no God! There is no Santa Claus."
He was squeezing my wrist so hard that it ached. "Kiss me. Please. Please. Kiss me. Tell your daddy
that you love him." But I couldn"t speak. I was terrified I was going to miss my bus. And I was worried
about my plane, which was strapped to the top of the taxi. "Say it: "I love you." Say it. Please. Buddy. Say
it."
It was lucky for me that our taxi-driver was a good-hearted man. Because if it hadn"t been for his help, and the help of some efficient porters and a friendly policeman, I don"t know what would have happened
when we reached the station. My father was so drunk he could hardly walk, but the policeman talked to
him, quieted him down, helped him to stand straight, and the taxi-man promised to take him safely home.
But my father would not leave until he had seen the porters put me on the bus.
Once I was on the bus, I crouched in a seat and shut my eyes. I felt the strangest pain. A crushing pain
that hurt everywhere. I thought if I took off my heavy city shoes, those crucifying monsters, the agony
would ease. I took them off, but the mysterious pain did not leave me. In a way it never has; never will.
Twelve hours later I was home in bed. The room was dark. Sook was sitting beside me, rocking in a
rocking chair, a sound as soothing (令人舒畅的) as ocean waves. I had tried to tell her everything that
had happened, and only stopped when I was hoarse (嘶哑的) as a howling dog. She stroked her fingers
through my hair, and said: "Of course there is a Santa Clause. It"s just that no single somebody could do
all he has to do. So the Lord has spread the task among us all. That"s why everybody is Santa Claus. I
am. You are. Even you cousin Billy Bob. Now go to sleep. Count stars. Think of the quietest thing. Like
snow. I"m sorry you didn"t get to see any. But now snow is falling through the stars-" Stars sparkled,
snow whirled inside my head; the last thing I remembered was the peaceful voice of the Lord telling me
something I must do. And the next day I did it. I went with Sook to the post office and bought a penny
postcard. That same postcard exists today. It was found in my father"s safety deposit box when he died
last year. Here is what I had written him: Hello pop hope you are well I am and I am turning to
pedal my plane so fast I will soon be in the sky so keep your eyes open and yes I love you Buddy. |