Deciding what to watch on TV is a battle of wills that is fought in homes all over the world.
According to psychologists (心理学家), it is much more serious than simply deciding between
a soap opera and a sports program, or between pop music and politics. This television conflict
is part of a bigger power game which goes on in homes, even though most of the players do not
realize that they are playing a game at all. "It"s such a game as is not easy to notice," says
psychologist Dr David Lewis, "that many people don"t even know they"re playing it."
Unconsciously, people begin to play the game as soon as they meet their future husband or
wife. By the time the couple get married, the rules of game are already formed. The big decision,
like where to live and which school to send the children to, are usually joint decision. When it
comes to less important things, it"s a different matter. Here is just one example of this process at
work. A husband looks through a pile of holiday brochures (小册子) and announces his preference:
"The South of France". And his wife quickly agrees before he realizes that the only brochures she
gave him were those for the South of France. Similarly, she may decide on how the home should
be decorated, but he chooses the new car and decides what the family does at weekends.
"Family power struggles are interesting," says Dr Lewis. "Of course, some people are naturally
more dominant (占支配地位的) than others, and the most dominant personality in a family tries
to lead. These days, even though so many couples make a special effort to have a true and equal
partnership, men generally have a greater need to appear to be in physical control. Women, on the
other hand, are not so interested in physical control as in emotional control. On the whole, they"re
more controlling and can make the man think of something as his idea in the first place."
Too many people want others to be their friends, but they don"t give friendship back. That is
why some friendships do not last very long. To have a friend, you must learn to be one. You must
learn to treat your friend the way you want your friend treat you. Learning to be a good friend
means learning three rules. Be honest; be generous; be understanding.
Honesty is where a good friendship starts. Friends must be able to trust one another. If you do
not tell the truth, people usually find it out. If a friend finds out that you haven"t been honest, you
may lose your friends" trust. Good friends always believe in one another as they always speak and
act honestly.
Generosity means sharing, which makes a friendship grow. People do not have to give lunch
money for clothes, of course. Instead you have to learn how to share things you enjoy, like your
hobbies and your interest. Then, naturally you will want to share your ideas and feelings. These
can be very valuable to a friend. They tell your friend what is important to you. By sharing them,
you help your friend know you better.
Sooner or later, every one needs understanding and help with a problem. Something may go
wrong at school. Talking about the problem can make it easier to solve. Turning to a friend can
be a first step in solving the problem. So to be a friend you must listen and understand. You must
try to put yourself in your friend"s place so you can understand the problem better.
No two friendships are ever exactly alike. But all true friendships have three things in common.
If you plan to keep your friends, you must practice honesty, generosity, and understanding.
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