帮我看看这篇英语作文有没有语法错误

题目

帮我看看这篇英语作文有没有语法错误
题目：假设你是TOM,请根据提示以“MY Unforgettable Experience"为题写一篇80字左右的作文,记叙一次难忘的经历,提示：Tom 的父母晚上有事外出,知道11点才回家.9岁的他自己一个人在家,当门外有人走过时,他还哦啊；听到外面的房间他更害怕,后来才发现是自家的小猫,以前从未单独在家的他便有 了一次难忘的经历.
My unforgettable experience
i was had a unforgettable experience when i was nine years old. ican't forget it forever. on that day,my parents had to go out for dinner,but i can't go out with them. i had to do my homework.
i heard someone walked while iwas doing my homework. iwas crying,because i was fear. When i can'thear walked, i stop crying. i was watching tv in my bed room when i finished my homework. i heard the voice out of the room. i was more frightened. But i thought i should be more brave. i went out of the room. it was my cat. iwas relax when i saw my cat. And i played with my cat.my parents didn't go home until at 11 pm.
i think it's my unforttable experience bearuse it was the first time for me to stay in a place alone
我英语程度不是很好.英语作文一直是我的眼中刺.
请高人指点.

答案

i had a unforgettable experience
i heard some one walking
i cried,because i was so fearful.
when i can't hear the walking sound.
i stop crying and started to watch tv.
i was more frightened than before.
my parents didn't back home until 11pm
不知道你现在上几年级,先帮你这么改一下吧,你看看合理吗