雅思作文求改

题目

雅思作文求改
Topic:People tend to work longer hours nowadays.Working long hours has a negative effect on themselves,their families and the society,so working hours should be restricted.Do you agree or disagree?
Working long hours is a common phenomenon nowadays,as a result of firce competition of the fast-paced society.It seems that many organizations utilize this method to complete their products or tasks,and in some degree,it got some effects.In my view,although the long working hours becomes a popular trend,some negative impacts can not be neglected.
The detrimental influence that the long working hours brought can be analyzed from three aspects.First of all,employees who have been working for a day always feel tired.If they were asked to further working,may be most of them will be exhausted.At this circumstance,the physical condition of employees will be at risk.They may get some diseases,like flu,at ease as the result of long time working.Besides,employees that always work o

答案

很好啊,有6分以上.
但是答题不完整.因为题目有两部分,一是negative effect,二是working hours should be restricted.第一部分你答得很好,但是第二部分就好似没有提到.
考试的时候要小心审题啊!