这篇托福作文能得多少分?

题目

这篇托福作文能得多少分?
满分30
160. When people need to complain about a product or poor service, some prefer to complain in writing and others prefer to complain in person. Which way do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Some people complain about a product or poor service by writing while others perfer to talk in person, which is obviously a better way compared to writing a complain letter, since people are able to represent their feelings more clearly and problems are solved quicker in this way.
As we all know, people explain things better while talking face to face. What a customer wants is letting the company know how they feel about an unsuccessful product or unsatisfied service so they will be able to fix those problems. Writing a complain letter may be a good way to organize your thoughts in order but it fails to express your strong feelings toward those products or poor sevice well, which makes things less effective. That's why I would rather chose to talk in person. As a customer I would like to let the company know my feelings directly.
On the other hand, when you complain about something through oral talking, you are using a method of complaining that cannot be delayed. Most of you may have experience ignorance from the company after you send them complain letters. That's another reason why I chose to talk in person. When you talk to them in person you get their responses immediately instead of having to wair until they receive your letter then actually begin to read, which takes much longer time period.
In conclusion, people should consider to talk in person while they compalin about a product or poor service since you express your feelings better in this way and it talks shorter time to solve the problem.

答案

23
Some observations:
1.Don't use "you".Use "one",or "a person"
2.You tend to repeat yourself.
3.I was confused by your first sentence.
"Some people complain about a product or poor service by writing while others perfer to talk in person,[what is your stance?] which is obviously a better way compared to writing a complain letter,since people are able to represent their feelings more clearly and problems are solved quicker in this way."