帮忙评一下分,高中英语作文

题目

帮忙评一下分,高中英语作文
假定你是李华,你班同学决定为小明举办生日聚会.请你写信邀请外教Susan参加,要点包括：1.时间：周五晚八点至九点
2,地点：学生俱乐部
3,内容：生日歌,蛋糕,游戏


Hi Susan,
We're throwing a surprise party for Xiaoming' birthday(开头已给出）
I’m writing to invite you to the party.And there is something significant you should know:to The party is be held in Students' Club on Friday.It will start at 8:00 pm and last for about an hour.Besides,it will include singing berthday song,eat cake,as well as playing game.We hope that you will accept our invitation and carry a present if it is convenient for you.
You're welcome to come to the great ball.
30分的作文

答案

朋友你好!很高兴帮你：


问题1：to The party is be held in Students' Club on Friday
应该为：
To the party is be held in Students' Club on this Friday.
(要说明是本周五晚,要不然容易产生歧义,还有大小写问题)
问题2：It will start at 8:00 pm and last for about an hour
应该为：It will start at 8:00 pm and finish at 9:00 pm. And it will take one hour on holding this party!
（注意要完全按照要求写,最好直接写出是几点到几点,如果要写持续多长时间可以另起一句!）
问题3：建议从We hope开始分段写.
问题4：最后一句You're welcome to come to the great ball.可改为：We are extremely happy to see you come to the party!
评分：本文要点齐全,但是部分语句不恰当或者不太通顺,而且没有一些与众不同的精彩句子,但是表达意思明确,要是满分15分可以得到9分!（望采纳!祝你学习进步哦）