雅思作文.求高手点评,评分!万分感激

题目

雅思作文.求高手点评,评分!万分感激
The development of internet technology brings about great advances on people's life.People can acheive some things without meeting each other as ever before,such as shopping,banking and some business activities.Undoubtly,the phenomenon has a profound influence on the whole society.
It is definited that the boom of net activities may contribute to the improvement in both the post industry and the net technology.Relevant websites with great information could be enable people to search the best one fit them from the mass of possbilities and with a low price.And the innovations of software make communication on line less obstacles.Furhermore,at present,there is not problem for those postal items to arrive at any region,even a remote villege.
In addition,it offers much convience for individuals.People can afford some goods at home via the line.And then products being ordered would be send home.Likewise,net banks as a means of net finacial activities,make it possible that people can deal with their bank accounts at any clock,even in midnight.It just need a click instead of waitting hard in banks.
Conversely,internet financial network stimulates the post companies and many online companies grown up.It is impossible to neglect the huge benefits from multitude of postal goods.The suppliers not only benefit from their goods,but also extend their brand effects with low cost and more effcient.Those that make considerable great contribution for social enconomy.
But,it remains adventurous that people may afford economical failure because of the net traps.There are much fake and wrong messages on line so that someone may lose their money by either being lied or received the unaccepted goods.Sometimes the speed of delivery may not swift enough.So ,although there are lots of possitive effects,it is inevitable that there are some negative effects.
What is needed,therefore,is control.The government should take some messures to reninforce the legal enforcement and setting the proper supervision on net activities.

答案

虽然考了雅思 但本人的英语写作还是不怎么样 这当初就是我的心病的 当时我是和同学报的新奇雅思培训的 就每次写了作文让那个叫雅思写作的老师给我们批改 题意见 他人很好很认真的 你也可以去试试 毕竟老师的意见更专业些