帮我修改英文自我介绍

题目

帮我修改英文自我介绍
Good morning ,thanks a lot for giving the opportunity to introduce myself.
My name is ChenYang.I am 22 years old and come from Hunan province .There are three members in my family .My parents,my sister and I.My father is a taxi driver and my mother lives in the country near Changsha.They firmly support my choice of medicine .My major is clinical medicine in Capital Medicial Universiy.I will graduate with a bachelor this summer .And I have spend many months for the medical practice in TianTan hospital.In order to pursue my dream ,I work hard in study and practice .And I passed CET4 and CET6 when I was undergraduate.
Apart from study ,I love skating and traveling .Skating make me have the felling like flying.During vacations,I travel a lot ,and by traveling my horizon is broadened ,because I come across lots of new things and experience cities with different styles and characteristics.
This is me,a boy without much achievement but with the desire to do so; a student without profound knowledge but with intense thirst for it; a man without big ambitions but with the dream to make the ocean more beautiful.
I sincerely hope that you can give me the chance to achieve to make my dream become true and I will study hard in my further education.
Thanks for your attention.

答案

Good morning ,I'm very glad to have this interview here.Thanks a lot for giving me the opportunity.
My name is ChenYang.I am 22 years old and from Hunan province .There are three members in my family .My parents,my sister and I.My father is a taxi driver,and my mother lives in the country near Changsha.They firmly support my choice of medicine .My major is clinical .I will graduate from Capital Medicial Universiy,and get my bachelor this July.Well,I like my major,and have spend many months on the medical practice in TianTan hospital.I work hard in study and practice for my dream.And I passed CET6 when I was undergraduate.
In my spare time,I love skating and traveling .Skating make me have the felling of flying.During my vacations,I travel a lot .by traveling my horizon is broadened .
It's me who isn't have much achievement but have desire to do ; who is a student without profound knowledge but with intense thirst for it; a man without big ambitions but with the dream to make the ocean more beautiful.
I sincerely hope that you can give me the chance to achieve to make my dream become true and I will study hard in my further education.
Thanks for your attention.
前面大致改了一些,后面一段不怎么地道,不知道怎么改.而且this introduce重点不突出,LZ再好好斟酌一下