帮我看看这篇英文有什么语法错误,谢谢

题目

帮我看看这篇英文有什么语法错误,谢谢
It can be observed in the picture that a flame, with smile on its face. And there is a word over the flame that love is a light. The darker the place, the brighter the light. As is indicate that it's of importance that people can receive warm who abandoned themselves to despair from love.
Obviously, we can deduce from the picture that one important function of love is to guide your way from the place where it is dark. Moreover, love also can direct the path when you have lost the goal of searching hope of happiness. For example, when I was a child, I have given the money to a beggar who need help to eat. He said to me, tears in his eyes:" I will bless you when I am in heaven" .If I had not helped him, he may have starved for the time.
In my view, love is sympathy and precious that needs not be expressed in terms of money or sweet words. Love is power to change the world altering black to white. If we make our society more beautiful and harmony, we should give our love to people who needs.

答案

第1段,第1行：that后缺动词,建议改成 ...that there is a flame with smile ...；去掉And,there is 改成 There is also ...；word 改成 phrase ；第2行：...flame that ...改成 ...flame says that ...；第3行：warm 改成名词 warmth ；who 引导的从句挪到 people 后面.
第2段,第3行：I have given the money 改成 I once gave money ；第4行：need help to eat 改成 needed food ；第5行：may have starved 改成 might had been starved ；for 改成 at .
第3段,第2行：If we 改成 To 即可；第3行：harmony是名词,这里改成形容词 harmonious ；who needs 改成 in need .